so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
