never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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