my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
