i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
