Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
