saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
