My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize