The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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