I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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