"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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