I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
