watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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