I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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