thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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