it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
