break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize