I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
