omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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