I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize