I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
