My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize