my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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