their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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