We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
