Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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