then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
