Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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