shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
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