the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
