i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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