he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
