I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
