Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
