Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
