so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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