we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
FUCK WHALES
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
