His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
sex in a hospital.. check
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
