So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
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