I accidentally burped into my bong.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you never un-have a 4some
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
