I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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