Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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