He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
