when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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