tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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