Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
