6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
