so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
