Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
