when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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