my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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