shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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