he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
