i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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