If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You pole danced in your parka.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
