if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
