i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
