ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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