He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
