He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
