I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Your mouth is God's brothel.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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