Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
